Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that I won’t be finishing NaNoWriMo this year. I’ve got too many things going on, too many social things to attend, and some health irritations (tonsillitis and ear problems suck) that are just making me unwilling to spend my spare time at the computer working on the novel. I’m okay with it, and I’ve been preparing myself to admit it for the last week. I could also tell in the weeks leading up to November that my heart wasn’t really into it this year, and that I wasn’t as excited about it as I was last year. I didn’t approach it with the same enthusiasm.

But I have decided one thing: my novel is too good to give up. I really like the idea and I have great plans for it. I’m just not willing to speed-write it just to be done with it. I’m going to make it my goal over the next year to work on this novel in a more sensible way. I’ll start by reworking the outline and getting more specific with it. I’ll work on character sketches. And I’m going to write it slowly, and focus on telling it in a way that makes me happy with my story-telling voice. I’m also going to work on description more. One thing NaNoWriMo has taught me about my writing skills is that I tend to do a lot more telling than showing.

So while I’m a bit disappointed I’ve decided to cut out of the NaNoWriMo race early, I’m not feeling too badly about it. Good luck to the rest of you WriMos out there!

Hmmm… this image doesn’t seem to be updating my wordcount very well, I may have to find a new one. So, I think I’ll just track my progress below at the same time:

• November 2: to 1,969 in 1 hour (4% done, 48,031 to go)
• November 3: to 5,217 in 1.5 hours (+3,248, 10% done, 44,783 to go)
• November 6: to 8,244 in 2 hours (+3,027 16.5% done, 41,756 words to go)
• November 7: to 10,791 in 1.5 hours (+2,547, 22% done, 39,209 to go)
• November 10: to 12,384 in 1 hour (+1,593, 25% done, 37,616 to go)
• November 13: to 13,458 in 45 mins (+1,074, 27% done, 36,542 to go)
• November 15: to 15,750 in 1.5 hours (+2,292, 31.5% done, 34,250 to go)
• November 16: to 22,519 in 4 hours (+6,769, 45% done, 27,481 to go)

So I gave myself a good 4 hours of writing time to get the word count up on the NaNoNovel today. I’m 45% done, still a little behind where I should be. But I feel better about it now. I wrote in 1 hour blocks of time because I couldn’t just sit and write for hours on end. And I can’t say that I love what I’ve been writing. I may not even be able to say I like it all that much. Basically, I look at it and think, “It’s got potential. I can work with it.”

I’m not quite at the part of my novel where I can let loose and have more fun with it. I’m still working on some background information and setting things up (which is so sad — what kind of novelist is still setting things up in the novel at the 22K point?). But I’ve renewed my determination to finish this novel by the end of November, and come to the conclusion that I may just have to skip over some of the non-essential, fun bits and get the plot moving along so I can wrap it up by the 30th. I suppose if I were to include everything I wanted to, this novel would be closer to 100,000 words when it’s done and that’s not going to happen by the end of NaNoWriMo.

I have to say this has been a pretty humbling experience so far. I’m learning what a bad writer I am. I’m wordy. I’m long-winded. I’m not descriptive enough. I compose horrible sentences off the top of my head. I’m seeing all the flaws in my writing, and I’m sure I’ll embarrass myself when (if) I come back to it in a few months and reread what I’ve done. Someone left me a comment asking if I’d be sharing my novel with my blog readers. Heck no! If this NaNoNovel wasn’t based on a solid idea with the potential to be great after many, many revisions, I’d have given up a long time ago. And I definitely wouldn’t show it to anyone until it did go through those revisions.

That being said, I do know what I need to do to fix these flaws. And the number one thing I need to do is: write more often. Not just for this insane challenge, but everyday. Like so many people out there, I say I want to write a novel one day, and yet… I don’t write! It’s so much easier to do things that don’t take much effort. Like watch TV. Or read. Or sleep. Why? Because none of those things are likely to end in failure! The fact is, if it weren’t for NaNoWriMo and blog posts, I probably wouldn’t write at all. And that’s… well, it’s no way to treat such an important dream in my life. So I’m going to have to work on that.

I’m so not into NaNoWriMo this year, and I’m wondering why.

Last year I was loving every minute of it, and looking forward to sitting down with the laptop and writing a few thousand words a night.

Now? I can’t even get myself to sit down for an hour and do it.

It’s not my story — I actually like my story. I think it has great potential, and, unlike last year’s story, I actually knew how this story would end before I even started writing.

I’m thinking it has to do with being on the computer so much. I spend my days in front of the computer. All day, just about every day. And at the end of my work day, I don’t feel like being on it when I’m not working.

So I think it’s going to be seriously hard winning NaNoWriMo this year. Last year at this time, I was at around 33,000 words. At the moment, I’m at 13,500. And I was worried about not having enough words last year!

I guess I just need to get motivated. I gave myself the day off from the computer today, so hopefully that will help. I plan on writing for most of the day Friday, and maybe I’ll get enough words in to start the fire again.

Two young boys, Frikkie and Tengo, are living in South Africa on the cusp of the revolution set to put an end to apartheid. Frikkie is the privileged white nephew of the farmer who employs Tengo’s black family to work the farm. Frikkie comes to the farm on his school holidays and lives in his uncle Oom Koo’s large home, while Tengo can not go to school and lives in a mud hut not far from the farm.

As young boys, Frikkie and Tengo are inseparable: they play together, they explore the land together, they grow up together. But Tengo is a smart boy and questions everything around him. He questions why Frikkie can go into the big house and eat plenty of food (made by Tengo’s mother) off of expensive china, while Tengo’s family eats porridge off tin plates and is still hungry when the meal is over. He wonders why his family works so hard to keep the farm running, while Frikkie’s family benefit from all their work. But most of all, he wonders why Frikkie can go to school for free and earn a great education, while black people have to pay to go to school and receive inferior educations. (more…)

The story of Lennie and George, two laborers traveling through California on their way to yet another job at yet another ranch where they’ll spend long hours working for little money and not much else to show for it. Lennie is a big, childlike man with a clear mental disability — all he cares about is petting soft things and is dream of taking care of the rabbits on the land he thinks he and George will buy one day if they can make enough money. George is Lennie’s protector, taking care of him and finding them work wherever he can because they can never stay in one place long enough before Lennie does something in his naive way that gets them fired or run out of town.

When Lennie and George find work at a ranch in Salinas Valley, they meet up with a man named Candy. Having lost his hand in an accident on the ranch years ago, Candy is getting old and the work is getting harder. He knows there’s just a matter of time before he’ll be let go from the ranch, and  he has no idea what will become of him. When he overhears George and Lennie talking about their plans to buy their own land, Candy offers up the money he’s been saving for years. With Candy’s money and another couple months’ worth of work, they may just have enough to make the dream a reality and be their own bosses — until Lennie does something that causes everything to turn upside down.

This was a quick read, and a great story about two decent men who can’t seem to outrun tragedies. It can be a bit of a downer read, but the relationship between these men, and the great characters represented within its short pages, makes it one of those great “thinking” stories that I love. As I read it, I could see how it would belong on the stage, because it has those strong, dramatic themes that would make for memorable theatre, the settings are minimal, and the dialogue is something that would be better heard than read. I’m going to have to rent the movie now.

Okay, there’s a lot of you know what that seems to be hitting the fan and blowing in my direction lately.

1. My server went kaput yesterday. There’s nothing like wanting to post something and then not being able to. And when you post as sporadically as I do, it’s even more annoying. I blame you, AN Hosting. I blame you, Midphase. I’m glad I’m back up, and it only took them a whole day to fix it, but there are still some issues behind the scenes that are vexing me. It seems that my site is down more and more lately, and it irks me.
2. I’m sooooo behind in my reading and my book reviews. I have books piled up. Book club book, books from publicity reps, books I’ve just been meaning to read, books for work. So many books and yet… after being at my computer and reading all day long, I don’t feel like training my eyes on a book.
3. I’m being a perfectionist and spending a lot of my time on some work stuff. Working on creating documents, and assignment pages, etc. I don’t feel right if things aren’t organized just the way I like them. Thus, I spend time making and moving files and folders on the computer, matching fonts in documents that are related, fixing rubric tables to look just right and fit onto the page. It all takes time and effort, and I’m trying to decide what priority everything has for my time and effort, especially now that….
4. NaNoWriMo has started. Somehow, I’m still determined to participate and win. I’ve got a lot on my plate lately, but somehow the fact that I participated last year and actually won is making it hard to consider not doing it this year. Plus, I haven’t written a single word, and one of my friends? He’s already got over 10K done in ONE day. The competitive nut in me is starting to get antsy which would explain why I’m up at 1:30AM and determined to get started writing as soon as I get this post up. So yeah… wish me luck. And someone please unplug that fan.

UPDATE (3:38 AM): Okay, it’s a little over 1 hour later and I’m up to 1969 words. Only 48,031 to go! But I think I’ll go to bed first.